Xyon (xyon) wrote,

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Apathy, I....frankly don't feel like dealing with you right now...

reals due monday...either 10 or 11 problems....I did 1.4 (one point four) Why didn't I do the rest? I stopped caring.

Went and got dinner at 8:15. I just ate the fourth piece of shrimp and second piece of broccoli (make that fith and final, and third). I can't really taste it. I can't breathe through my nose, I can't smell anything (and taste is largely dependant on smell). It was made just the way I like it...porkless fried rice, kung po sauce...but I won't finish it, because I can't taste it. I'm hungry, but can't make myself eat. I'm bored and lonely, but I won't go looking for people. The homework due on Monday in reals is 4% of my grade in that class, and I'm thinking about turning in my 7/50.

I'm tired of homework, I need a break....one week with nothing due, please. I don't mean quarter break, because I don't want to not have classes, just no homework. I can show that I know the material, I'm the only one doing these proofs in class, why must I do them all weekend, too?

I want to live here next year. Actually, I want to live -there- next year ::points to the adjacent, larger, room:: Unless plans change in the next few weeks, Jay and I swap rooms with George upon returning from quarter break. We finally get rid of random extra roommates.

I want Solaris 9 to -NOT- do what it's doing and causing video issues, and I want the people on Sun's forums to reply to my question on why it's causing video issues. These video cards cost around $1000 each, I believe, so why should we have to tolerate them not working correctly?

In one sense it reminds me of a Microsoft release (Ryan, hold thy tongue until I finish). I upgraded my Cyrix from 95 to 2000 freshman year, only to find that the hardware was no longer supported by anyone, and so I could only use 8-bit colour. With the exception of Sun claiming that the Elite3D still is supported that's what this feels like (thought it's not a colour depth issue, it's a really strange issue...some things go greyscale, and other things it seems are being denied video memory. When I change it to an inferior mode everything works (except OpenGL), though.

Though in another sense, it is less like a Microsoft release....Solaris 9 seems to load much faster than Solaris 8, though I'm comparing apples and oranges....a fresh Solaris 9 versus an old Solaris 8...the longer it has been since a reformat the longer it takes for an OS to load (usually because you've made it do more things on startup, but not always). MS tried making XP look like it loaded fast by getting it to the login screen rather quickly. Rather than keeping loading things in the background at that point they wait for someone to log in, and then have the longest login times I've ever seen (note, this is only my personal opinion based on experience with Windows).

Maybe I should just put Solaris 8 back on those machines rather than try to get them working. I'm definately not going to the faculty to upgrade their Solaris boxes until I find out what the problem is and how it is resolved. Maybe the problem is that I just don't realize that the non-default behaviour for this card is actually better, but the question then would be: If so, why didn't Clancy have then set up that way?

Give me files I can grep through, not eeproms that I have to use special programs to access the data in.
And while I'm bitching about Solaris...they need VC support. When someone has a workstation locked, I should be able to hit ctrl+alt+f1 and drop to the console so I can boot them off, I shouldn't need to go to another machine to ssh in.

I got passed over for another interview. One of the people that was talking to this company at the same time I was got one...and he doesn't know anything. I think I found what I want to do, though....it shocked me when I decided it wouldn't be all that bad, let's see how many people knew me better than me (and care enough to read through all this crap to get down to the interesting part).
I'm not getting hired this summer, unless by some miracle Expedia hires me. I'll probably have no amazing job offers waiting at the end of the year next year, either. I'll taked the damnedable GRE, go to grad school, get a masters in something interesting....mathematics maybe, stay in grad school, get a Ph. D in CS or something, and be a professor. Maybe even be a professor here. If not that, preempt McLeish's position from him. Graduate from here with my BS, and get hired here as the CS/Math Systems Administrator...though it probably pays shit.

Yup, back to the real world for me, any job I get will either be total shit, or it will pay total shit. Thus is my life.

I am me. This is all I shall ever be. To be more would be to be something that I am not. My role in existance is to make people laugh. I am not a comic, I am the joke.

If there is a divine being, it was hir idea of a cosmic joke to create me.
It's not conspiracy theory when the world -is- out to get you.
Maybe if I could get over my illness, and have some company decide I'm worth the time to -talk to-, I'd get out of my depression/apathy state....until then, who knows what I can not care enough to do. Being apathetic about inhaling and/or exhaling would be quite fine with me.
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