Xyon (xyon) wrote,

When it rains it pours...

I guess I'll start off by admitting things aren't horrible. I still like my job, no one is actually dying, I still have a fiancée (amusing note: the iPhone corrects "fiancee" to "fiancée", but Firefox wants to do it the other way), etc. But I still reserve the right to be whiny, and shall exercise it thusly, with what turned out to be a much longer than expected post.

Okay, so you find yourself in love. Somewhere along the way you're convinced it's a good idea to get married. While I'm still convinced that it was the correct decision then, and it will have been the correct decision after we get married, I often find myself thinking something akin to 'is this really what I want?'

The problem isn't being married. No, it is getting married. As servalan recently described, we've had trouble with this part, and I'm the wimpy groom-to-be who is stressed out from the whole thing without having done "measurable work". We went to San Diego, met a wedding planner (and decided to hire her), found two locations, and returned satisfied in a job well done. Of course, we then fired the wedding planner (sort of... we never technically hired her because she failed to be organized enough to get us a contract). After hiring a new one we picked one of our two locations (my second choice, but the alternative ended up being way out of our price range). Then that venue caused us trouble by having let us plan around their 2008 prices, then gave us a contract for 2010 prices (and some policy changes)... and apologized, saying verbal was non-binding. Then there come the arguments where I'm insisting that I really do not have any opinions remaining this late in the game (we have gone under 6 months to the date we picked out from the first venue now), and that anything Janine picks is good enough (and she doesn't believe me... hopefully she does now.). Okay, so venue 2 is looking like a good thing... and then it explodes too, for entirely different reasons. Now we get to find a third place, and by our original perfect date we have 161 days and 18 hours before ceremony time... to still do everything. (And somewhere along the way her best friend (and matron of honor) gained an intended parasite, and since her body will naturally expel it in an estimated 170 days, she has politely resigned.)

So, yeah. That's fun.

Oh, and there's the other problem. Housing. The problem is simple: two young adults are getting married and need a place to live. One of them owns a house, but agrees with the other that a) it's not a good location for the union and b) there are valid emotional reasons for wanting an 'our' place, not a promoted 'their' place. Every time that he's reminded that he has to sell his house at (if he's lucky) no out of pocket expenses, he gets a little depressed. And whenever houses that the couple can afford is missing something that the couple feels is essential (like enough space in the master bedroom for a king-sized bed and a dresser) that upsets him, too. Then there's the fact that the thing he was most looking forward to in moving was having less of a commute to work... but there aren't many houses (even for rent) that we're finding in our price range and close to work.

So, yeah. That's fun.

And I have a fiancée who doesn't want to take my name, which I can logically understand... but I feel strongly that our names match (and that I'm not taking hers); so the only viable option for us is to come up with a new last name for when we get married. I'm not against this, and if we would ever actually come up with a name I could probably really get behind it... but all of the strengthened relationship that I was building with my mother from when I'd call her every day when heading over to Janine's got completely demolished when I spoke to her about this. Basically, neither of my parents is happy with this plan, and every time they mention it I want to just hang up on them. Since a 15 minute call will likely bring it up, I've stopped calling. It didn't bother me when I was the son who was 3 timezones away with a work schedule that meant that there was not a good intersection of not at work/not asleep time and didn't call because of that... but now I'm the son who actually doesn't want to talk to his mother, and that makes me feel a little bit upset. Sometimes a lotta bit upset.

So, yeah. That's fun.

Sometime before we went to California, Janine had been complaining about back pain (which I already mentioned). It went from "back pain" to "mild musculo-spinal injury", and this week a specialist promoted it to "chronic, degenerative spinal condition". Like most things, there's a chance of things getting almost back to the way they were; but it's not likely. And we're not talking wheelchairs, or difficulties with insurance changes; but it's still unpleasant. Oh, and because it's now listed as chronic (and we're not actually married, yet), she officially offered me a chance to back out of the relationship with no foul. First, I was upset because she did this. Then I was upset because, while stuck in traffic on the way to pick her up for a party, I actually thought about it. Okay, mainly what I thought was "had we gotten married in November this would be moot", but I thought about it just the same. My 'official' position is that if she's not going to let this change her into a miserable, permanently depressed person then I'm not going to be leaving (and if so I'd have to think about it).

So, yeah. That's fun.

When I was finishing off the 20/20 program I got my weight down to 173. It crept back up over that first year to and around 203 (down from the original 240). I've held that weight since then, but I went up a pants size and the new, formerly loose, pants are now getting snug. Latest body composition test shows that while I've held weight, I've traded it from muscle to fat at an even rate over the year. So now every time I put on pants I'm disgusted with, and disappointed in, myself. I've started trying to be more cognizant of what I'm eating (calorie-wise. For example, I found out that the 'healthy' lunch I've had every other weekend or so (sometimes more often) since starting to date Janine is 1300 calories today... I had never bothered looking it up), and hopefully my physical therapist clears me for racquetball and the elliptical soon; so that I can use exercise to increase the loss rate and cure the resurgence of insomnia.

Weight: So, yeah. That's fun.

Continued ankle problems: So, yeah. That's fun.

Insomnia: So, yeah. That's fun.

Oh, and the winter is back in Seattle, so the sun's gone. With everything else that's going wrong I now get to play with SAD.

So, yeah. That's fun.
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