Today I went to the King County District Court (Northeast Division) to submit my passport application and two fun things happened.
1) The United States government does not accept cash. "Legal tender for all debts, public and private", except those involving passport requests at a satellite location ("I'm sorry, sir, but we have to mail this to the U.S. Department of State, and you cannot mail cash").
2) I was issued a passport at birth due to my dad being in the military and having an out-of-country posting. What happened to this passport? I have no idea. My parents have record of the passport number, so I put it down on the form, like a good citizen. Oh, you have a passport that you don't know has been returned to the US Dept of State? Fill out this form (Lost or Stolen Passport), and explain why you don't know what happened to it. My explanation is a polite form of "I WAS BLOODY FIVE YEARS OLD WHEN IT -EXPIRED-; THE PICTURE IS OF AN INFANT LESS THAN ONE MONTH OLD, GAH, YOU SUCK!".
Hopefully the clerk who reads it chuckles and doesn't taint me with a lost passport marker; otherwise I'll get those fun extra inspections at customs checks.