Xyon (xyon) wrote,

On Friday she hit 101. She arrived on Saturday. We went to the store for foodstuffs, and medicine. Then went for sushi. She had some issues with her chopsticks; and I ended up feeding her a piece of volcano roll and a piece of saba (mackerel)... that quite amused me. Shortly after we got back medicines kicked in and she went to bed. I didn't really sleep that night. I got perhaps an hour of contiguous sleep. Sunday morning I made breakfast while she was doing homework. She stopped doing homework at about 2, and we went to Seattle Center; then up to Edmonds Anthony's Homeport. Food was good, service was slow. Then off to tekman and angel_grrl's for 'meeting' people and some board games. Her sinuses started acting up again (bringing back her sinus headache) while we playing Ticket to Ride Europe; but didn't want to say anything. So we left, and she went to bed. Monday she did lots of homework again, and then we went for the 2PM Underground tour. We had a talk along the lines of "life, the universe and everything" which included, amongst other things, her concern for my stability and mental well being. Then we engaged in mindless, sweaty, physical activity.... cleaned my house. Embarrasingly enough, it needed it; even after the work I did on Friday. But this was one of the things we had talked about. I tried to make dinner, but she interjected and sent me off to clean some more. She started making things as I had suggested, then decided that the sauce was too bitter; and started adding random things to it... like sugar. In tomato sauce. Not the finest culinary masterpiece; but it was edible. But I was mentally exhausted, and filet probably even would not have tasted well... just been 'edible'. Then we put in Eternal Sunshire of the Spotless Mind, and made some drinks. Grey Goose + Cranapple for her; Grey Goose and Red Bull for me. Better make them doubles. Refill me, refill her, refill me with Grey Goose and Mountain Dew; end movie. I wanted to talk, since I had had enough to drink to feel comfortable enough to talk about things.... I'm usually too afraid of what the response will be. But she wanted to sleep, since she had an early flight out. That's when I wrote the literary masterpiece that is the restricted post (and transcribed it here so that I would remember it). Then wrote another page or so; didn't transcribe it; and can't remember a lot of what was in it now. Shoved it under the door to the guest room; sat outside the door and mumbled a few things... half hoping she was awake, and half hoping she was asleep. After 5 hours of not really sleeping; it was time to wake up to take her to the airport. As we were leaving she motioned toward the paper and asked if I still wanted her to read them, and upon assent they went (I believe) into her suitcase. After a very quiet trip to the airport there was a quick embrace, then a few words; then a longer embrace... and then she went her way and I went home.

I wanted to kiss her, and tell her I love her. But I was too afraid of the negative response. I sent her a few words via SMS after getting home. She hasn't replied yet; I don't really have any expectations for her to ever do otherwise. Things are already starting to fade... the sound of her voice; the smell of her lotion; the feel of me holding her, not wanting her to leave.

I was fine on the trip back, and fine for a while. I got very sad a bit later; and looked at the clock and realized she had just taken off. She's really gone.

I should probably sleep now. Get in a nice nap. But when I wake up there will only be memories; not even fading sensations.
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