Xyon (xyon) wrote,

  • Mood:
As each day passes I become more convinced that I'll have to execute "Plan B".

I never saw myself being a bum, especially considering how easy a supposedly hard college was for me.

At this point it's too late to fall back on grad school.

There have been many times in my life where I've been extremely depressed. Unrequited love, some of the few friendships I had going sour, all somewhat tangible and understandable reasons. I think that this is the first time in my life where the thought of the near future makes me want to cry.

In less than 4 weeks I graduate with high honors from a prestigious college, and I have two choices.
1) Be a drain on my family
2) Be a drain on my friends

Seattle is where I want to be, but at this point I'll take a real job anywhere.

I guess it's probably a sad state of affairs when you realize that death is a step or two above where you are now. Don't worry, I don't have the resolve to kill myself, just a thin desire for something else to kill me.

Okay, I'm going to bed. I'm too upset to keep writing anything, so I'll just leave with what I actually started with...

To the friends who have offered to help me out: I don't know what I did to deserve such friendship, but I'm very grateful for it. I hope that you know that I am trying to not accept the help unless I need to, and if I do I'll never be able to express enough what it means to me. I find that I can write almost anything for the world to see, but can never show my feelings, especially gratitude, in person.
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